I lift up my role as a future wife and mother to Jesus today as I come to terms with the idea that this is going to happen. I am not sure when and how, but I know for a fact that God is in the works here. I know that He has allowed me the opportunities to be with this amazing man of Him and blessed me in ways that I did not know were even possible.
Jesus, I journey even deeper to You because I am lost. I am confused. I am hurt because I know that something has gone awry in my walk with You. I know that something is missing and I desire to search for those answers within Your unabounding love. There is no one like You in my life and only You can provide these answers.
I am scared because I was confronted by my hearts desires. Jesus... I pray over the words in my journal because they came from You. I have allowed the fear to come between my trust in You. I have allowed things to become scattered and I have not handled them as I should. I first ask for forgiveness as I have turned from You instead of deeper into You. I now ask that You show me the why behind the revelations You have given me. The why and the how behind them. Jesus. I also wish for a oneness with you and my fiancé that I did not have before. I cannot step into this marriage feeling unable to before my duties as a wife to him and daughter to You. I am not willing to hand this marriage over to Satan. Instead I want to hand this marriage over to You. If that means we have to wait, so be it. I have an inkling in my spirit though that waiting longer than what has been ordained may not be necessary. BUT I also see in my spirit that this will mean that I have to strive for You in ways that did not previously exist. I have to actively search and allow You to change me without fussing. I have to allow You to speak through me to my friends, my family, my co-workers, and my fiancé in ways that I could not have before. Most importantly, I have to want to listen to You. I have to want to put You first and remember that... I am not alone. You put me here because You have something in store for me that I cannot even begin to fathom.
Lord, I do not want to give this over to Satan because tehre is a perfection that can only come from You. There is a hope and a desire that only You can provide in my life. With that, I have to make sacrifices. With that I have to choose to follow You. The desires of my heart can and will align with You because You have reawakened them. With that comes some fear and dedication that I have never had before. My prayer is to lay the fear at your feet and to receive from you the dedication and desire to seek Your face in ways that have never previously existed before.
With this, here is my transparency with You:
I want to be married August 10. Why is this the new date? Why is this good? What benefits can come from this? How will You help me prepare so that I may be willing to be the wife that You need me to be?
I want a baby. You have revealed this desire to me at my last Wonder Women meeting. I desire this in ways that previously did not exist. With it I have allowed so much fear to come before me and overcome me. Instead I desire that you take up this fear and show me the blessings that can come with this. I want You to be in control. Lord, I want You to be the guiding factor. Why is a baby my desire after all the fears and hurt that I have seen in my life? How will I discuss this with Carlos? Why have You put a baby on his heart? How will You prepare us so that when the time comes for You to say "I want You to prepare for a child" that we will be willing and ready to handle what You have brought for us together? I want this as a oneness with You, but not something that will hurt us. A baby is a lot of pressure God. Why reveal this desire now of all times? So my Lord, my God, my Precious, continue to grow this in ways that I cannot grow alone. I love you.
I want to take birth control, but I know the risks behind it. I know a baby, an egg can still be fertilized but cannot plant itself into the walls of my uterus on birth control. I know that there is a life potential that will be flushed away if it is fertilized. So My Darling God, take this and help me to learn how to do the rhythm methods. Allow the health care professional I go to not only understand my concerns but is a full believer in what I desire. I know that You want this, but I feel that I am not understanding my heart's desire in this area. It had been a discussion, but there is so much more that I need to hear. Jesus, I love you and know that thereis more I need. Allow for this to flourish and come in ways that did not previously exist. If You have to supernatural help my cycle and give me knowledge that other people usually do not have about their bodies, allow it! Give it to me! Flourish in this area so that instead of walking in fear I know You are in control. :)
I need help with respect. Respect for You, myself, Carlos, friends, and family. I need to respect You most of all and then myself. I do not respect what is put on my heart. I doubt it and fear it. Instead I want a healthy respect so that I can deal with the fears in You and thrive in them.
I'm not sure if I want to work. I now see that being a supervisor will be a blessing. I will be able to show You in my work path in ways that I could not only be an assistant. I am able to bring in money to save and prepare for the baby, the marriage, the college life that You are putting in me. Thank You for putting that in my life while I did not understand. I still do not fully understand why, but I am already seeing even before marriage that it is a blessing in disguise! It is goingn to help in ways that I did not previously understand. I know that a part of me says "Do you really want to work though?", but I believe that is more Satan than You. Remove any doubts from my mind of what You are doing in my life so that I can graciously accept them and take advantage of anything You put in my path.
And Lord, I'm worried about school. I am not sure of how I will handle the classes. Something still feel so horrible off and I do not understand why. Please show me in ways that will not harm how I can do this. Show me if this is of You or if this is of Satan trying to discourage me form working at my full potential. I CAN DO THIS! :D I can do this with You. :) And I have the full backing of Carlos, so God... Work in this. I am still uneasy like I was with work, but I believe that you will have something that strengthens my resolve to take these classes how they are.
I am not really scared after saying this. Instead I am at peace but my spirit stirs knowing I need to be as one with Carlos for this to work out. I need that oneness. Without it I cannot be okay. Even if I know everything is in line, if we are not one then I cannot go through with anything. Why? Because this is not just my life. It is ours. Once married things will be different. Right now God I feel that you want me to push for us to be one and for my voice to be respected and heard in the right way.
Thank you God for listening to me and I am ready to listen. I am "spirited out" and just need You. :)
I love you.
Thank you.
In Jesus's Holy Name. Amen.
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Monday, May 6, 2013
You Deserve It
Have you ever heard those words "you deserve it" before? I have.
Have you ever wondered how they could ever be true? I have.
Have you ever thought that there had to have been a mistake? I have.
Have you ever wanted it to be so terribly true to you that it hurt? I have.
How could I, someone so insignificant in the grand scheme of this world, ever deserve anything worth more than garbage? How could I ever hope to live a life full of wonders and joy when I could barely find that joy in myself? To hear those three little words brings upon me a type of disbelief that can barely be understood. Or is it?
I look at those that I adore and think to myself, "How did they get to the way they are?" While they may seem happy and joyful to be here, I see something more. I can see the pain that they feel. I can see the harsh words and know that there is more to them than they think. I can look at them and think, "Why can't they see the beauty that they hold?" I can see that in them. Why can't I see it in me? Am I really that far gone that there is no hope for me? No. I refuse to believe it.
There is little reason to believe that we are good people. There is little reason to believe that there is any hope for change or any reason to desire something that is more than a penny. That is what we are raised to believe until we see that there is something more out there. The hope that is given to us to believe that there is something more should, again, be out of our grasp. We are no where near worthy to accept it! But we can. It is offered solely out of love.
There was this man that was not just any man. He was the man. He was the one that loved and cared for us. He was Jesus. He was God. He came to this earth to live with us. He came here to show us that there is a hope in this world. He came here to say that He loves us and wants nothing more than to be with us for eternity. He wants to be with us. I won't even ask how many people here that has touched. I won't even ask how many have accepted it or live in it. I won't even ask how many enjoy hearing that message. Instead I am just going to look at each and every one of you and said, "You deserve it."
Now I want you to go ahead and ask me, out loud or in your head, "How do I deserve for Christ himself to come down and die for me?" Unless there is an ego problem to be worked out, I am almost positive that each and everyone of us has asked that question at least a dozen times. Why? Because I cannot name many people that would die for me. I cannot name many people that have stood up for me. I cannot name many people who have been here for me for years. I cannot. Whether it is my fault or not, I cannot think of reasons why anyone would want to. Look at me. I'm not the prettiest. I'm not the smartest. I don't have the best singing voice. I don't have the most money. I don't even have the best writing. All I have is the Holy Spirit living on the inside of me that whispers to me daily, "You deserve it."
How do I deserve it? Honestly, I don't believe I do. I do not believe that I deserve anything. I don't deserve to go to school, get married, have a job, have children, grow old, and to be with each and every one of you every day of my life. I do not deserve to do any of this. So then why do I stand up here and keep saying those three little words? The answer is as simple as this: "I deserve it."
I may not have reached a point where I can even begin to fathom how I deserve such treatment. I cannot understand the depths of this love that God has for me. I cannot understand why my friends and family are still here even though I hide behind my walls periodically. I may not understand that, but I do understand this much: God has spoken, so I accept. I accept it because I can feel Him. I accept it because I know without a doubt that He loves me and wants nothing but the best for me, His princess, His precious, His love.
No. I am not perfect. I may still struggle through this life. I may still not always grasp the concept of this honor I have been given, but I will hold onto it with dear life. I will take it and accept it and live it because I know in my heart that I deserve it.
So look down at your hands. Now look to your neighbor. Now look back up at me as I tell you these three words that will change your life forever: You. Deserve. It.
Have you ever wondered how they could ever be true? I have.
Have you ever thought that there had to have been a mistake? I have.
Have you ever wanted it to be so terribly true to you that it hurt? I have.
How could I, someone so insignificant in the grand scheme of this world, ever deserve anything worth more than garbage? How could I ever hope to live a life full of wonders and joy when I could barely find that joy in myself? To hear those three little words brings upon me a type of disbelief that can barely be understood. Or is it?
I look at those that I adore and think to myself, "How did they get to the way they are?" While they may seem happy and joyful to be here, I see something more. I can see the pain that they feel. I can see the harsh words and know that there is more to them than they think. I can look at them and think, "Why can't they see the beauty that they hold?" I can see that in them. Why can't I see it in me? Am I really that far gone that there is no hope for me? No. I refuse to believe it.
There is little reason to believe that we are good people. There is little reason to believe that there is any hope for change or any reason to desire something that is more than a penny. That is what we are raised to believe until we see that there is something more out there. The hope that is given to us to believe that there is something more should, again, be out of our grasp. We are no where near worthy to accept it! But we can. It is offered solely out of love.
There was this man that was not just any man. He was the man. He was the one that loved and cared for us. He was Jesus. He was God. He came to this earth to live with us. He came here to show us that there is a hope in this world. He came here to say that He loves us and wants nothing more than to be with us for eternity. He wants to be with us. I won't even ask how many people here that has touched. I won't even ask how many have accepted it or live in it. I won't even ask how many enjoy hearing that message. Instead I am just going to look at each and every one of you and said, "You deserve it."
Now I want you to go ahead and ask me, out loud or in your head, "How do I deserve for Christ himself to come down and die for me?" Unless there is an ego problem to be worked out, I am almost positive that each and everyone of us has asked that question at least a dozen times. Why? Because I cannot name many people that would die for me. I cannot name many people that have stood up for me. I cannot name many people who have been here for me for years. I cannot. Whether it is my fault or not, I cannot think of reasons why anyone would want to. Look at me. I'm not the prettiest. I'm not the smartest. I don't have the best singing voice. I don't have the most money. I don't even have the best writing. All I have is the Holy Spirit living on the inside of me that whispers to me daily, "You deserve it."
How do I deserve it? Honestly, I don't believe I do. I do not believe that I deserve anything. I don't deserve to go to school, get married, have a job, have children, grow old, and to be with each and every one of you every day of my life. I do not deserve to do any of this. So then why do I stand up here and keep saying those three little words? The answer is as simple as this: "I deserve it."
I may not have reached a point where I can even begin to fathom how I deserve such treatment. I cannot understand the depths of this love that God has for me. I cannot understand why my friends and family are still here even though I hide behind my walls periodically. I may not understand that, but I do understand this much: God has spoken, so I accept. I accept it because I can feel Him. I accept it because I know without a doubt that He loves me and wants nothing but the best for me, His princess, His precious, His love.
No. I am not perfect. I may still struggle through this life. I may still not always grasp the concept of this honor I have been given, but I will hold onto it with dear life. I will take it and accept it and live it because I know in my heart that I deserve it.
So look down at your hands. Now look to your neighbor. Now look back up at me as I tell you these three words that will change your life forever: You. Deserve. It.
Monday, April 15, 2013
Lord's Mysterious Ways
I just realized that I have not given a real update in a long time. Where to begin? Oh! I know!
On March 22, my "boyfriend" and I left to visit his parents in California. We stayed with them for an entire week. :) It was fun being in a tiny town. We got to watch the movie Oz, go to the zoo, get allergies from weird plants, pick fruit, etc. While I still like being in a busier place, the peace and quiet really was nice. I miss it at times when I am walking down the streets here in Vegas. It's so noisy here!
On March 26, the Lord revealed to us that we would get married on September 1, 2013. Boy were we happy! How would you feel if the Lord told you when you and your beloved were going to get married? I know that I am ecstatic for this change to happen in my life! But wait. He was still my boyfriend. How does that work? WEEEELLLL
On March 28, Carlos sent me away to do the dishes while he prepared whatever he was doing. I came back to the room to hear some Phil Collins (Tarzan) love music playing in the background. He pulls me to him and whispers in my ear that I am the best thing that had ever happened to him. He gets down on one knee and asks me to marry him. He even included my verse Song of Solomon 2:10 "Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me." XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!! OF COURSE I SAID YES! Omg. I jumped and squealed and tackled him. Well, tackled him lightly (I got in a car accident on March 21. Yes, the day before my 8 hour bus ride to Cali. Go figure, right? Yes. I am okay. Relax. Haha.) So now we are engaged to be married this year! HOLY FREAKING COW YES!
So I am ecstatic. The world is. In my mind, and that is ALL that matters to me right now. I just love my Jesus. Oh wait! But there is MORE. The Lord has really been moving me into my path of submission and respect for my future husband. Not only that, He is just putting each and every piece into detail. I found my dress and veil for under $100. I have my two bridesmaids and maid of honor. I just... There is so much more that I cannot put into words because it is such a personal change. It is one of those things where you want to be able to share it, but the Lord makes the miracles so personal that only you can experience them for yourself.
I invite you today to give yourself to the Lord if you have not already. Read my blog. Look at my pain. Look at the scars and the hurt that I have gone through. And then realize that all the old posts on this blog have actually been removed. Everything here is new (as new as the first post, obviously). I just love being here to tell you each and every bit of my story as it comes along. The Lord is inviting you to come into His arms and be a part of His life. He wants all of you! He wants to be your Father, Mother, Best Friend, Boyfriend, Girlfriend, Lover, Husband, Wife. He wants to be what you need Him to be and more. I love every moment that I have with Him. In the month of March I went through a staggering plummet into depression. I even succumbed to self-injury yet again. But I looked to Jesus and He pulled me up. The weekend immediately after my fall, my friend was killed in a hit-and-run accident. I cried. I was horrified. I had no idea how to deal with this, but I looked to the Lord. I kept my head to Him and let Him take my pain away. He revealed to me that she was safe in heaven. A few days later He then had a message from her that she loves me too and will see me again one day. I made the statement that I will not let her death be in vain. Instead I decided to not move on, but to live life to fullest because of it. The last thing was a week later, I got into the car accident that is currently trying to mess with my life. It happened right before my vacation. I was in pain. I got a concussion. I was bad. Physically you could not see it, but I felt every little injury that I sustained. But I prayed. I kept praying. My memory and speech was foggy. I had trouble at work and could no longer lift the children. I now have most of my time taken away because of my chiropractic appointments. Instead I thank Jesus because He kept me safe. I praise Him because no one got seriously injured. I praise His name because we are alive to see another day. I came to Him on my knees crying. I said, "Lord, I have remained faithful through ALL of it. I came to You when I had no one else. I came to You even though I could have came to my fiance, my friends, or family. I trusted You to see me through this." I was desperate. I said that I have been loyal and desire to see something change. I desired to see some more hope instead of this pain. You know what He said? "I have something for you. It will be okay." That is when my fiance proposed. That is when my relationship with him became stronger and more real. That is when I got more compliments at work despite the fact that I was no longer able to move the children. That is when I found my dress. That is when my fiance got his work permit. That is when I WAS ABLE TO SAY THAT I HAVE JOY BECAUSE HE PULLED ME THROUGH IT ALL!
This may not seem huge to you, but it means everything to me. Everything that is happening right now is from things that I have prayed for since I was 11 years old. 11 years old. I wanted to get married before 20 when I was that young. I prayed about it. Now look at me. I wanted my fiance to get his work permit. The Lord whispered to me that it would happen this month of April. Guess what? It came today. When I was shopping for my dress, He nudged my spirit and said, "This store has hope. Don't give up." After we had searched all other thrift stores for my tight budget, there was the dress of my dreams. After I was wondering how I would plan this wedding, God said that He had a surprise for me. My pastor told me without me ever saying anything that a new married couple came to our church that were wedding coordinators. The Lord gave me the word "car". So I prayed. My friend got into a car accident that night and no one was injured. The other driver had hit the driver side door of my friend's car too. Each and every thing that has been prayed for has gotten an answer. Sure there were prayers where I may not have heard right away, like the marriage one. There may have been ones where He even told me "not yet" or "not for you". But He has answer all my prayers in one way or another. I believe in His power to pull me through. I believe in His mercy and His grace to protect and guide me. I believe in His love to secure me and remind me that I am alive and in His arms. I do not believe in this "Oh you may just not hear an answer for a very long time." You will always hear an answer, but is it the one you want to hear?
So my invitation stands tonight. Do you accept the Lord Jesus into your life and take the chance that He may turn your whole world upside down for good? Or do you reject His hand and want to chance away your soul, hoping that your very own will power is enough to succeed in this world. While some have made it, few ever had the joy the Lord can provide without Him. And the reality is, none without Him will every experience a good life without Jesus in their hearts. Folks, this earth is my hell. I will never see what true hell is like because I am joining Him one day. I would like to see you there as well. With an open heart and open arms, He accepts you into His family the moment you say "I do." I love you as well, brother or sister in this family, you are a part of it to me. Whether you accept Christ or not, I still love you because you are human. I pray that one day you will see His works before it is too late to turn back.
And to all my fellow believers out there. I dare you to take on the new challenge that He has to offer you in this life. Do you accept His power? Do you accept His Word as truth? Most importantly, are you ready for Him to take this life and twist it in ways you never have seen before? If so, then I want you to pray tonight, pray and read your Bible about something that has been on your heart for a long time. I know it seems impossible, but do it. I do not promise myself that He will fulfill your desires this moment, but I know for a fact that once you trust Him that He will work to bring to you your hearts desires. Why? Because His will for us is His glory. How does He do that? The miracles He performs in your life. ;)
Last note to remember for all:
Just because He does not give you the big picture does not mean He did not answer your prayer. All the little blessings in your life are the signs that not only did He hear you, but that He is performing your desires as we speak. :) Don't take my word for it, but take His.
With love,
Brittany Y.
Your Sister in Christ
On March 22, my "boyfriend" and I left to visit his parents in California. We stayed with them for an entire week. :) It was fun being in a tiny town. We got to watch the movie Oz, go to the zoo, get allergies from weird plants, pick fruit, etc. While I still like being in a busier place, the peace and quiet really was nice. I miss it at times when I am walking down the streets here in Vegas. It's so noisy here!
On March 26, the Lord revealed to us that we would get married on September 1, 2013. Boy were we happy! How would you feel if the Lord told you when you and your beloved were going to get married? I know that I am ecstatic for this change to happen in my life! But wait. He was still my boyfriend. How does that work? WEEEELLLL
On March 28, Carlos sent me away to do the dishes while he prepared whatever he was doing. I came back to the room to hear some Phil Collins (Tarzan) love music playing in the background. He pulls me to him and whispers in my ear that I am the best thing that had ever happened to him. He gets down on one knee and asks me to marry him. He even included my verse Song of Solomon 2:10 "Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me." XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!! OF COURSE I SAID YES! Omg. I jumped and squealed and tackled him. Well, tackled him lightly (I got in a car accident on March 21. Yes, the day before my 8 hour bus ride to Cali. Go figure, right? Yes. I am okay. Relax. Haha.) So now we are engaged to be married this year! HOLY FREAKING COW YES!
So I am ecstatic. The world is. In my mind, and that is ALL that matters to me right now. I just love my Jesus. Oh wait! But there is MORE. The Lord has really been moving me into my path of submission and respect for my future husband. Not only that, He is just putting each and every piece into detail. I found my dress and veil for under $100. I have my two bridesmaids and maid of honor. I just... There is so much more that I cannot put into words because it is such a personal change. It is one of those things where you want to be able to share it, but the Lord makes the miracles so personal that only you can experience them for yourself.
I invite you today to give yourself to the Lord if you have not already. Read my blog. Look at my pain. Look at the scars and the hurt that I have gone through. And then realize that all the old posts on this blog have actually been removed. Everything here is new (as new as the first post, obviously). I just love being here to tell you each and every bit of my story as it comes along. The Lord is inviting you to come into His arms and be a part of His life. He wants all of you! He wants to be your Father, Mother, Best Friend, Boyfriend, Girlfriend, Lover, Husband, Wife. He wants to be what you need Him to be and more. I love every moment that I have with Him. In the month of March I went through a staggering plummet into depression. I even succumbed to self-injury yet again. But I looked to Jesus and He pulled me up. The weekend immediately after my fall, my friend was killed in a hit-and-run accident. I cried. I was horrified. I had no idea how to deal with this, but I looked to the Lord. I kept my head to Him and let Him take my pain away. He revealed to me that she was safe in heaven. A few days later He then had a message from her that she loves me too and will see me again one day. I made the statement that I will not let her death be in vain. Instead I decided to not move on, but to live life to fullest because of it. The last thing was a week later, I got into the car accident that is currently trying to mess with my life. It happened right before my vacation. I was in pain. I got a concussion. I was bad. Physically you could not see it, but I felt every little injury that I sustained. But I prayed. I kept praying. My memory and speech was foggy. I had trouble at work and could no longer lift the children. I now have most of my time taken away because of my chiropractic appointments. Instead I thank Jesus because He kept me safe. I praise Him because no one got seriously injured. I praise His name because we are alive to see another day. I came to Him on my knees crying. I said, "Lord, I have remained faithful through ALL of it. I came to You when I had no one else. I came to You even though I could have came to my fiance, my friends, or family. I trusted You to see me through this." I was desperate. I said that I have been loyal and desire to see something change. I desired to see some more hope instead of this pain. You know what He said? "I have something for you. It will be okay." That is when my fiance proposed. That is when my relationship with him became stronger and more real. That is when I got more compliments at work despite the fact that I was no longer able to move the children. That is when I found my dress. That is when my fiance got his work permit. That is when I WAS ABLE TO SAY THAT I HAVE JOY BECAUSE HE PULLED ME THROUGH IT ALL!
This may not seem huge to you, but it means everything to me. Everything that is happening right now is from things that I have prayed for since I was 11 years old. 11 years old. I wanted to get married before 20 when I was that young. I prayed about it. Now look at me. I wanted my fiance to get his work permit. The Lord whispered to me that it would happen this month of April. Guess what? It came today. When I was shopping for my dress, He nudged my spirit and said, "This store has hope. Don't give up." After we had searched all other thrift stores for my tight budget, there was the dress of my dreams. After I was wondering how I would plan this wedding, God said that He had a surprise for me. My pastor told me without me ever saying anything that a new married couple came to our church that were wedding coordinators. The Lord gave me the word "car". So I prayed. My friend got into a car accident that night and no one was injured. The other driver had hit the driver side door of my friend's car too. Each and every thing that has been prayed for has gotten an answer. Sure there were prayers where I may not have heard right away, like the marriage one. There may have been ones where He even told me "not yet" or "not for you". But He has answer all my prayers in one way or another. I believe in His power to pull me through. I believe in His mercy and His grace to protect and guide me. I believe in His love to secure me and remind me that I am alive and in His arms. I do not believe in this "Oh you may just not hear an answer for a very long time." You will always hear an answer, but is it the one you want to hear?
So my invitation stands tonight. Do you accept the Lord Jesus into your life and take the chance that He may turn your whole world upside down for good? Or do you reject His hand and want to chance away your soul, hoping that your very own will power is enough to succeed in this world. While some have made it, few ever had the joy the Lord can provide without Him. And the reality is, none without Him will every experience a good life without Jesus in their hearts. Folks, this earth is my hell. I will never see what true hell is like because I am joining Him one day. I would like to see you there as well. With an open heart and open arms, He accepts you into His family the moment you say "I do." I love you as well, brother or sister in this family, you are a part of it to me. Whether you accept Christ or not, I still love you because you are human. I pray that one day you will see His works before it is too late to turn back.
And to all my fellow believers out there. I dare you to take on the new challenge that He has to offer you in this life. Do you accept His power? Do you accept His Word as truth? Most importantly, are you ready for Him to take this life and twist it in ways you never have seen before? If so, then I want you to pray tonight, pray and read your Bible about something that has been on your heart for a long time. I know it seems impossible, but do it. I do not promise myself that He will fulfill your desires this moment, but I know for a fact that once you trust Him that He will work to bring to you your hearts desires. Why? Because His will for us is His glory. How does He do that? The miracles He performs in your life. ;)
Last note to remember for all:
Just because He does not give you the big picture does not mean He did not answer your prayer. All the little blessings in your life are the signs that not only did He hear you, but that He is performing your desires as we speak. :) Don't take my word for it, but take His.
With love,
Brittany Y.
Your Sister in Christ
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Psalm 31:24
The Lord's love and faithfulness know NO boundaries.
Psalm 31:24
"Be strong and take heart,
all you who hope in the Lord."
Psalm 31:24
"Be strong and take heart,
all you who hope in the Lord."
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Bumper Cars
Some jerk off decided to play bumper cars today as my friend was driving me to school. sDGKlasodgijsdlk Well, it was my first car accident. We're all okay. I have a massive head ache and neck ache. A bit nauseous, but I believe that I will be okay. *sigh* This has been tough. First depression. Then death of a friend. Now this. Satan is seriously trying to take me out, huh? Well I have news for him. I AM NOT GOING DOWN THAT EASILY!
Anyway, I go on vacation with my amazing boyfriend tomorrow. :) So at least I have that to look forward to. I might be a bit miserable the first day or two, but I know things will perk up. I praise Jesus that He has healed, provided, and protected this past month. I have seriously needed it.
So don't worry about me. Just keep praising God for what He is doing in my life.
Love you guys!
Be safe over this spring break. Take it easy. Don't think you are invincible. You're not. I love you guys very much whether I know you or not. Alright?
Thank you for being there.
Peace out.
Anyway, I go on vacation with my amazing boyfriend tomorrow. :) So at least I have that to look forward to. I might be a bit miserable the first day or two, but I know things will perk up. I praise Jesus that He has healed, provided, and protected this past month. I have seriously needed it.
So don't worry about me. Just keep praising God for what He is doing in my life.
Love you guys!
Be safe over this spring break. Take it easy. Don't think you are invincible. You're not. I love you guys very much whether I know you or not. Alright?
Thank you for being there.
Peace out.
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Ecclesiastes 7:1-2- Loss of a Friend
"A good name is better than fine perfume,
and the day of death better than the day of birth.
2 It is better to go to a house of mourning
than to go to a house of feasting,
for death is the destiny of everyone;
the living should take this to heart."
I read these verses that was posted on the Facebook wall of my friend Alexis Monasterio. Her life of but 17 years ended last night by what was probably a reckless drunk driver. I burst into tears after I read the news story. How could the Lord take someone so sweet and so kind to heaven with Him? Why now? She was so beautiful. Her life was full of promise. She had everything to live for and yet the Lord decided that now was the time for her to come home to Him.
Each and every day we are faced with some form of death. People everywhere die in this world of ours. There is suffering, pain, mourning, loss. So much hurt... Yet God is still here through it all.
It is really hard for me to look at my King and praise Him in times like this. I knew this girl. I went to church with her. We lost contact, but she was still there. I saw how she was making cakes and other stuff for her culinary life. I saw that she was meeting people and living a good life. I was happy for her, even a little jealous at times. Now I will never get to see her grow up. Instead I will see her beautiful face in heaven.
Even through this I still look to my Lord. Who else will provide comfort? Who else will bring good out of this horribleness? Who else can make everything better? Not me. Only He can. As hurt as I am, I feel my Spirit stirring, soothing, comforting my soul as I try and come to terms with this. I cannot even write this post without tears coming to my eyes. I cry as I mourn the loss of such a sweet, sweet girl. Alas, I know that my Lord, my King is right here with me. He is also in heaven holding on to her, loving her. She is in a better place for eternity. She is with our Father, my Father. While He rejoices at being with her forever, He is also here with me mourning as I mourn. He is here as all of us that knew her miss her terribly already.
I also try not to look at this with regrets. Do I wish that I talked to her more? Sure. But one day... I can hug her and say how much I missed her face. She is probably now looking down at us telling us not to cry over her. I can imagine her saying that. She was always so bubbly like that.
God, I don't get this. I hurt incredibly even though we have not been close in a very long time. I love you. I pray for her family. I pray for her closer friends and even those not so close that you soothe each and every one of them. Let your Spirit touch each and every one of us as we try to come to terms with the death of your daughter. I pray that your glory and wisdom will shine. I pray that your grace and mercy will reach all of us in this time of need. God... I do not understand why you had to take her, but I know that she is now with you where we will all hopefully be one day.
I love you, Jesus. Please soothe me too.
Rest In Peace, Alexis. I love you and miss you. Give a big hug to Jesus for me. Thank you for being my friend. Can't wait to see you again. This will not be a good bye. Instead, I will look at this as a "see you later" type of thing. Later, sis.
and the day of death better than the day of birth.
2 It is better to go to a house of mourning
than to go to a house of feasting,
for death is the destiny of everyone;
the living should take this to heart."
I read these verses that was posted on the Facebook wall of my friend Alexis Monasterio. Her life of but 17 years ended last night by what was probably a reckless drunk driver. I burst into tears after I read the news story. How could the Lord take someone so sweet and so kind to heaven with Him? Why now? She was so beautiful. Her life was full of promise. She had everything to live for and yet the Lord decided that now was the time for her to come home to Him.
Each and every day we are faced with some form of death. People everywhere die in this world of ours. There is suffering, pain, mourning, loss. So much hurt... Yet God is still here through it all.
It is really hard for me to look at my King and praise Him in times like this. I knew this girl. I went to church with her. We lost contact, but she was still there. I saw how she was making cakes and other stuff for her culinary life. I saw that she was meeting people and living a good life. I was happy for her, even a little jealous at times. Now I will never get to see her grow up. Instead I will see her beautiful face in heaven.
Even through this I still look to my Lord. Who else will provide comfort? Who else will bring good out of this horribleness? Who else can make everything better? Not me. Only He can. As hurt as I am, I feel my Spirit stirring, soothing, comforting my soul as I try and come to terms with this. I cannot even write this post without tears coming to my eyes. I cry as I mourn the loss of such a sweet, sweet girl. Alas, I know that my Lord, my King is right here with me. He is also in heaven holding on to her, loving her. She is in a better place for eternity. She is with our Father, my Father. While He rejoices at being with her forever, He is also here with me mourning as I mourn. He is here as all of us that knew her miss her terribly already.
I also try not to look at this with regrets. Do I wish that I talked to her more? Sure. But one day... I can hug her and say how much I missed her face. She is probably now looking down at us telling us not to cry over her. I can imagine her saying that. She was always so bubbly like that.
God, I don't get this. I hurt incredibly even though we have not been close in a very long time. I love you. I pray for her family. I pray for her closer friends and even those not so close that you soothe each and every one of them. Let your Spirit touch each and every one of us as we try to come to terms with the death of your daughter. I pray that your glory and wisdom will shine. I pray that your grace and mercy will reach all of us in this time of need. God... I do not understand why you had to take her, but I know that she is now with you where we will all hopefully be one day.
I love you, Jesus. Please soothe me too.
Rest In Peace, Alexis. I love you and miss you. Give a big hug to Jesus for me. Thank you for being my friend. Can't wait to see you again. This will not be a good bye. Instead, I will look at this as a "see you later" type of thing. Later, sis.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Homeless Outreach
I remember that I wrote a post about being unworthy but still used by God. I have probably written about that quite a few times by this point. The thing that strikes me is that I truly feel that I should not be used by the Lord. I am so not worthy because of where I am at in my life right now. Yet when we still step out in faith, the Lord really knows how to work in us. He sees our hearts and still wants to use us for His glory. How can I be used of Him? I am His servant and He still loves me. I am loved by the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords.
Most importantly, He still wants to and will use me any time I step out and say "Here I am."
2 Peter 1:4
"Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires."
Regardless of what Satan will try to do to me, My Lord still uses me according to His promises. He still says, "I love you. You are my precious daughter whom that I love. I will always want you to be with Me. I will always want you to be close to me. I will always want you to be used by me. You are my precious, my beloved. Do not be afraid for I love you."
Yes. That was a lot, but... His words are precious to me as well. He knows that I need to be used. He knows that I have a purpose that I need to be guided towards.
Anyway, that is my update. I feel horribly icky today, but there is a ray of hope. A part of me feels Him, so that means I feel okay. :)
I love you guys.
When all hope seems lost, look to Him. He will never let you down. Just seek after Him.
In case anyone is wondering, I did do a homeless outreach last night with the small group that my boyfriend is in. It was actually really nice to talk to two gentlemen about their situation, give them food, and pray for them. :) I even was able to give one of them information about some shelters that they could go to. It was such a blessing for me.
Most importantly, He still wants to and will use me any time I step out and say "Here I am."
2 Peter 1:4
"Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires."
Regardless of what Satan will try to do to me, My Lord still uses me according to His promises. He still says, "I love you. You are my precious daughter whom that I love. I will always want you to be with Me. I will always want you to be close to me. I will always want you to be used by me. You are my precious, my beloved. Do not be afraid for I love you."
Yes. That was a lot, but... His words are precious to me as well. He knows that I need to be used. He knows that I have a purpose that I need to be guided towards.
Anyway, that is my update. I feel horribly icky today, but there is a ray of hope. A part of me feels Him, so that means I feel okay. :)
I love you guys.
When all hope seems lost, look to Him. He will never let you down. Just seek after Him.
In case anyone is wondering, I did do a homeless outreach last night with the small group that my boyfriend is in. It was actually really nice to talk to two gentlemen about their situation, give them food, and pray for them. :) I even was able to give one of them information about some shelters that they could go to. It was such a blessing for me.
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